did you think that you were dreaming?

i said: sometimes i don't know.

I will still make mistakes and I will still try to blur them with alcohol. I will always think about the 'what could have been' we both know is out there, but I will always come back to who and what I know. & If there really is such a thing as fate, I hope it makes up its mind. If there really is such a thing as my future, I need it to find me soon. If there really is a reason for any of this, I'm starting to feel like I need it soon.

Because if there isn't, I'm going skydiving. If there isn't a reason for the talking and the exhaling and the testing and the way your mouth touches mine, then I might as well fall out of an airplane, because I want to feel the impact of something. If there is no fate, I'm going to push the limits of possibility. If there isn't a future waiting for me and if there isn't a reason for anything, I'm going to stand here without my umbrella and kiss you as long as the sky keeps giving. Because I can and because it's real. Because there are too many songs about aching and not enough about not having to. Because it's water and heart I'm living on. So maybe there are reasons, maybe there aren't .. and maybe there are limits, but maybe there aren't. Maybe there are a thousand other hearts out there, connecting and detaching and searching and waiting. Maybe there are soul mates or maybe there aren't. Maybe mine works with yours or maybe it doesn't. I don't know, I don't. I hope so.